Do you have a commitment problem, or a walking away problem?
If you see quitting as failure, this one’s for you!
Hello dear friend
I was reading an article by Rich Litvin, in which he talks about how his client didn’t have a commitment problem, but a walking away problem.
In essence, she could commit to things (jobs, people, places), but have a hard time leaving. After dedicating a certain amount of time and effort to a pursuit, she didn’t know to quit. This often resulted in burn out, and she was perennially hesitant to starting something new.
Sounds weirdly relatable?
Read on.
How do we know when to quit?
In today’s perfection-focussed world, quitting is seen as failure.
If you start a venture, you’re expected to see it to completion. And don’t even get me started about relationships. Break-ups and divorces are so looked down upon, they often get people questioning their self-worth.
Of course, there isn’t a clear answer to the question of how to know when it’s the right time to quit. But in today’s newsletter, I want to share my take on this.
Quitting doesn’t have to be associated with negativity. When I quit my stable and high-paying government job in 2021, my parents told me it would be the biggest mistake of my life. 3 years later, I’m thriving, and couldn’t have been more grateful I gathered the guts to take that step.
If I’d stayed back, I know my parents would have been happy. But me? I’d probably be sweating it out in my own office, killing my dreams every day, convincing myself this is the best my life has to offer.
Just imagining that scenario gives me chills. And no, the purpose of this newsletter isn’t to encourage you to quit your job (or relationship), but to make you ponder upon the why.
If you feel you deserve better, what’s holding you back from going after what you believe is destined to be yours? Some hard questions to introspect upon:
Why are you staying back?
Who are you afraid of disappointing?
How will your sense of identity change if you quit?
What do you think is the worst that will happen when you quit?
Choosing between guilt and obligation
Most of the times, we stay well beyond the expiry date of a job, situation, or relationship because we’re so afraid to disappoint the other people involved.
We take their expectations from us as a burden. We act as if it’s our duty to make them happy.
If you struggle with that, here’s a harsh truth: The only person in this world whose happiness you can impact is YOU. As for the rest, no matter what you do and how much of yourself you sacrifice, people will choose how they wish to feel. Your actions can’t impact their sense of reality.
Guilt often comes when we feel we didn’t live up to expectations.
Now, you have to dig deeper to understand where those obligations came from. Was the burden placed on you by someone else, or did you take it upon yourself to prove a point?
“When I have a choice between guilt or obligation, I take guilt every time.” - Rich Litvin
It’s surprising how much freedom you can welcome into your life when you have the courage to be disliked by others.
Hope you liked this week’s message. Note that I create this newsletter for you weekly with lots of love. If you’d like to support me, here’s a link to buy me a book.
If you found this letter useful, don’t forget to forward this to a friend or ask them to sign up for my newsletter. It’s free, and they’ll mostly leave with a smile.
That’s all from my end today. I’ll see you again soon. Till then, stay strong. Keep smiling and be awesome.
With love,
Anangsha.